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can i be honest?

This print pretty much captures how I've been feeling the last few days.  I have made some attempts to sit down at the computer and put together a blog post or an e-mail or even a facebook status and nothing comes out. 

Write.  Easier said than done for me lately.

I think that Jason and I have defined my lurking funk as an early-life crisis.  You know, a mid-life crisis for younger people.  Does this make me crazy?  Maybe.  But I'll just throw it out there anyway.

Maybe it's because my 26 and half birthday is coming up (you celebrate half birthdays, right?).  And I am looking back on all that I have or have not done thus far.  For starters, I told myself I would only stay in Tennessee while I was in college and here I am.  In Tennessee; four years after college.  When I was in high school, I had dreams of living in a big city for at least a period of my life.  Then I ended up in Tennessee for college and here I have stayed.  Now that Jason is in school here and has signed a contract with a local agency, we are looking at another four-ish years here.  Still in Tennessee.

My career is also a contributor to my funk status often. I always thought that if I went to college and got my degree, it would give me the freedom to do something I loved. But sometimes I feel like I was fooled into believing my career would be something that it is just simply not. Sure I could go back to school and pay thousands and thousands of dollars in hopes to find something that fits, but I have a better idea. How about somebody just give me a chance to do something new, even if I am not "qualified."  Just because I didn't go to school for something, doesn't mean I can't be a rockstar at it.

That all being said, I have to make it known that I am incredibly blessed beyond belief. I have an amazing husband that is more that I could have dreamed of. I have family and friends that love and care about me. Jason and I are blessed with a beautiful home and wonderful pet children. I have a job and Jason is in school to learn about and start a career that he loves. I have so much to be thankful for. All of this should and does outweigh the rest. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment and regret.  If anything, I hope this helps me realize how precious each day is and that I always need to live life to the fullest; no matter where I am or what I am doing.  Sometimes I just need a reminder, don't you?

5 comments:

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Oh gosh, I was feeling that way too. In fact I felt that way last month, a few days before my 27th birthday. Ages ago I always thought I'd be doing this or that and well here I am today doing something totally different but at the end of the day I am feeling super blessed to have a job. And you are right, each day is precious and we do need to live life to the fullest.

Kassel and Kate said...

That hits very close to home for me, I always thought I'd live in London or somewhere in Europe for a while and I can't seem to get into a career that lets my artistic side shine. I feel ya! A good a-ha moment though. We will get there someday!
-Kassel

adele said...

Great post Amber! it's people that make the difference in your life not a job, which generally tends to be a means to an end xoxo
http://www.intotheblonde.com/

Lynn {hearted girl} said...

it can be so daunting, i know this feeling well and empathize with you completely. you're not crazy at all, i can tell you from experience that the things you're processing now will build you up to an even finer Amber later. the 20's were tough, especially towards the end. those scraps, cuts and calluses are worth it though. makes you stronger, much more in vibe with your surroundings and also with your swell fella too.

you do need reminders and i think it's brilliant you are able to articulate your feelings about it all. the mind swirls are killer to any mojo surviving. you're smart as can be, already over half way there by just acknowledging these emotions. one thing i do each year is keep a notebook to write down each day that totally is sky rocketing my senses. it doesn't happen much but after the year's up i look back on it and see the rad stuff i did or saw or learned. it helps when another birthdays coming up too, keeps those what the heck am i wasting my life away withs far from reality. many blessings to you, i loved this candid share. thanks for letting us in. xoox ♥

mary said...

Absolutely live life to the fullest! But its okay to have a funk every once in a while! Hope your day is magic! xox!

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