Today turned out to be a difficult day. From the moment I got up, I couldn't focus. Choosing my outfit seemed to be an insurmountable task and making a lunch for work was out of the question. There was a constant ball of anxiety in the middle of my chest and I felt as though I could burst into tears at any moment. To be honest, it took me a few hours to realize why I was having such a rough time. I really didn't think today would hit me this hard; but in reality, even just writing this out is heart breaking. I lost my dad in November 2005 and today would have been his 69th birthday. I miss him. My brother lost his best friend almost a month ago, and that hit me hard today too. It all just doesn't seem fair. The impossible question of "why?" can be so haunting. I know there is no satisfying answer out there. Losing someone you love has got to be the hardest thing in life to go through, at least so far in my life it has been. Grief is a lifelong process. There are highs and lows and thankfully, for me, as time goes on the lows are fewer and far between. I will never, can never, forget those that are now gone. But thankfully it is easier to think of all the good times and be grateful for all the good things that person brought to my life. My dad taught me so many things, and helped to shape me into the responsible woman I am today. I only wish he could see how well I've done, I know he would be proud. I can't wait to see him again one day. Happy birthday, dad. I love you.