Today turned out to be a difficult day. From the moment I got up, I couldn't focus. Choosing my outfit seemed to be an insurmountable task and making a lunch for work was out of the question. There was a constant ball of anxiety in the middle of my chest and I felt as though I could burst into tears at any moment. To be honest, it took me a few hours to realize why I was having such a rough time.  I really didn't think today would hit me this hard; but in reality, even just writing this out is heart breaking. I lost my dad in November 2005 and today would have been his 69th birthday. I miss him.

My brother lost his best friend almost a month ago, and that hit me hard today too. It all just doesn't seem fair. The impossible question of "why?" can be so haunting.  I know there is no satisfying answer out there. Losing someone you love has got to be the hardest thing in life to go through, at least so far in my life it has been.

Grief is a lifelong process. There are highs and lows and thankfully, for me, as time goes on the lows are fewer and far between. I will never, can never, forget those that are now gone. But thankfully it is easier to think of all the good times and be grateful for all the good things that person brought to my life. My dad taught me so many things, and helped to shape me into the responsible woman I am today. I only wish he could see how well I've done, I know he would be proud. I can't wait to see him again one day.

Happy birthday, dad. I love you.


L!$@ said...

It's never losing the people you love. But memories are a wonderful way to keep the best parts of them alive :D Hope you're feeling better soon!

Val said...

This is such a great post!

paddle to shore said...

happy birthday to your dad, I am so sorry you had to lose him way too soon. I know what it feels like to wake up feeling sad or feeling like there is something missing in your life. it's been 3 months since my friend committed suicide, and it still seems to hit just as hard as the day I found out. sometimes it's better and other times it still hurts just as much.

i love that graduation picture of you and your dad! you look like such a beauty (and you definitely still are one!)

give Jason some extra hugs when you're feeling this way. Lots of love, Kim xo


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